The Best Present – on Valentine’s Day

Valentine LoveBy

Karen Gless, Ph.D.

 

As Valentine day approaches, men especially are troubled by the question, “What shall I get my sweetheart?” I am reminded of an acquaintance of mine who bought his sweetheart an expensive diamond pendant on a beautiful gold chain. He looked forward to how pretty it would look on her neck and how much the diamonds would impress her.

When she opened her present, she did a good imitation of being pleased and excited. But he sensed that she was being polite and really didn’t like her gift. He hadn’t noticed that she wore silver and turquoise almost exclusively. He could have made her much happier at one tenth the price.

When it comes to gifts it really is the thought that counts—the thought that goes into being aware of what your lover really likes and values. Not everyone values the same things or feels loved in the same way. Make the effort to learn what makes your valentine feel loved.

One of my friends told me that she felt loved when her husband came up behind her, held her and kissed the back of her neck—especially while she was doing dishes. And that’s how he gave her a present for Valentine’s day last year. He hugged her from behind, gave her a gentle kiss on the neck and handed her a box wrapped in a dish towel with a beautiful, ornate watch in it that she had been eyeing.

One man I know said. “I just need to hear her say ‘I love you.’” His girlfriend knew that and gave him an MP3 player for his birthday because he likes to exercise and listen to music. There was already a mp3 inside that was a heartfelt recording of her telling him how much she loves him.

It isn’t enough to say “I love you” in good times. The good times are warmed even more when in the rough times your partner experiences your caring. A touch of the hand, a sincere look and saying “I love you” from the heart when you give a gift means much more than any object.

Notice what specifically makes your partner feel loved and do that. A valentine, flowers, chocolate, these are all nice.   You can get those presents, but what else can you do that is really special to make your valentine feel loved?

John knew his wife really wanted a new bedset. He bought the one he knew she wanted, put it in the bedroom all fixed up before she got home, and placed a box of chocolates in the middle of the bed.   She let out a squeal of happiness when she saw what he had given her and it took them a long time to get out of the bedroom—and they didn’t spend all of the time eating chocolates!

Another woman got her boyfriend a really beautiful card. He smiled when he got it, but he went wild when he opened it and season tickets to the home team ball games fell out. If a clean kitchen is important to your lover, then imagine her reaction to coming home on Valentine’s Day to a clean kitchen and beautiful flowers on the counter.

It’s said that the best gifts come from the heart. And when you get inside your lover’s heart and find out what he or she really wants, that’s when the gift is heart-to heart. It’s noticing what is really special to your lover that makes the difference.

Hi, I am Dr. Karen Gless, PhD, MFT, RN, I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC21423), and a Registered Nurse. Since 1985 I have had a successful practice as a Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego, CA.. My focus is on brief therapy whenever possible. The basic values I follow in my therapy are being: Warm, Caring, and Effective Specialities: Relationship counseling Sexual problems Effective communication for couples Intimacy issues Lack of Sexual Desire Orgasmic Difficulties Sex Addiction Incest/Abuse Survivors Impotence Premature Ejaculation Depression therapy Anxiety therapy Stress therapy Services: Couples Therapy Marital Therapy Individual Therapy EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Sex Therapy Hypnotherapy EFT As a marriage counselor in San Diego, I strive to help couples understand their relationship more deeply and fashion the tools they need to create healthy, happy, fulfilling relationships Happy couples feel fulfilled in their lives together. They say they experience intimacy, love and mutual sexual fulfillment and satisfaction. Because I see relationships as a natural crucible for growth, transformation and creativity, I have helped many couples understand their relationship in marriage counseling in new ways so that they can resolve their conflicts and grow together. If you are looking for a professional relationship therapist or sex therapist in San Diego, Ca., get in touch with me and I will be happy to help. History Established in 1985. Dr.Gless, Ph.D. has been in private practice as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist since 1985. For marriage counseling she with her husband developed Couples Emotional Process Therapy (CEPT) a relationship counseling system that combines the best in scientific research with practical experience. In counseling couples and helping them explore the potential of their relationship, Dr. Gless has worked to gain insights and fashion tools to help couples create a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship. She uses trance work as a special way of unlocking individual and shared creativity. She has written many articles on counseling relationships, appeared on TV shows, given TV, radio and internet interviews and has even been quoted in Cosmopolitan Magazine.

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